See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. Read more: 105 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners “I had a survey done on my house. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com. We've collected the best of sarcastic jokes and puns just for you. 80 Short Jokes and One Liners! Aaaaahhhhh. 2. Other ways to use these jokes is to include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or print and frame one of the one-liners and use as a part of the party decor. Read it - enjoy it - share it. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it. Money Situations Time Tradition. Dark Mode. They will thank you even if they don’t say it in so many words. Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. Not a shred of evidence existsin favor of the idea that life is serious.~ Brendan Gill, The trouble with the rat raceis that even if you win, you're still a rat.~ Lily Tomlin, Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.~ Anonymous, The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.~ Isaac Bashevis Singer. 366 Work One Liners - The funniest work jokes - OneLineFun.com Now onelinefun.com One liner tags: beauty, communication, life, women, work 83.65 % / 638 votes. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Sarcastic One Liners I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. See more ideas about Sarcastic one liners, Fun quotes funny, Funny school jokes. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. One Liners. Do you know a funny one liner? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." 50 One-Liners From Comedy Legends. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. That’s the American way. Sarcasm is usually harsh or ironic. Funny One Liner. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ If you love someone set them free. I hope I break even. Knitted designs.... Knitted with passion My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. 38 Funny Haiku Poems! If I wanted to kill myself I would climb to your ego and jump to your iq. 32. Aug 31, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi's board "sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Here we have added the funniest smart ass sarcastic one liners that we could find when searching all across the Internet for the best content. 52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes. Cancer Jokes. We hope you enjoy Quotabulary. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Let’s say you are sitting at the breakfast table and turn to your brother/sister and say, “Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed” or “I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man”. Absolutely hillarious christian one-liners! I am originally from Indiana. 1. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Fictional Character. Yes, I know there’s a special place in hell for me. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, ♦ In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.~ Robert Greene Ingersoll, ♦ Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist…”he that is not with me is against me.”~ George Orwell, ♦ The key to happiness is self-delusion. and I’m not so sure about you. Bookmark/Search this post with: One Liner Jokes; 2928759 reads; ... sarcastic one liners. Relax, we've got your back. The largest collection of christian one-line jokes in the world. Jun 3, 2020 - Explore Ridhima Monga's board "Sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)...right to your inbox. Technorati Tags: One Liner Jokes. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Sarcastic n witty one liners. But, this list is topped off by one of the shows funniest lines ever, coming from the brilliant season 2 episode where Joey and Chandler refuse to get out of their chairs, you know, "The One … It's a good thing my older brother told me about it. 36 entries are tagged with sarcastic one liners on love. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. 1 Hear. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. The 33 Best Chandler Bing One-Liners. 1. This isn't an office. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. Could this post *be* any post-ier? So today’s silly post is dedicated to boating jokes and is supported by D’Albora Marinas.. Boating Jokes Time! Famous One Liner Jokes. BEST ONE Liners. ♦ Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.~ Rita Rudner, ♦ I’ve decided that perhaps I’m bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.~ Paula Poundstone, ♦ You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.~ William Shakespeare, ♦ God doesn’t measure His bounty, but oh how we do! --Jay Leno "They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out." A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. “Success is not the key to happiness. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. Funny Puns. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. 1. Q: What do you call waiting 5 hours to catch a fish? A: Quick! Before we venture into the 66 Best Sleep Jokes & Insomnia One-Liners, I just had to show you guys this video of kids falling asleep in unusual places! All sailors and fishermen are liars except you and me. by Jessica Misener. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. " All sorted from the best by our visitors. Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table. I’m going to the casino tonight. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. if at first you dont succeed,screw it ! 4. Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! Collection of insulting one-liners: A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. We all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren’t funny. Copyright © Quotabulary & Buzzle.com, Inc. Fictional Character. Intonation, as in the rise and fall in your voice, while sarcasm is the key to make your statements seem like jokes. Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.~ Rita Rudner, -♦ Between men and women there is no friendship possible. Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. Don’t think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.~ Scott Adams, ♦ If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there’s a finite number of idiots.~ Steven Coallier, ♦ Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.~ Germaine Greer, ♦ To fall in love is awfully simple; to fall out of love is simply awful.~ Anonymous, ♦ Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.~ Ashleigh Brilliant, ♦ I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.~ Stephen Bishop, ♦ He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.~ Forrest Tucker, ♦ I love being married. If Ted Bundy can find love while being a serial killer and locked up in prison, then surely I can find love while not being a … Quotes-from-movies ... One Liner sarcastic remarks to get you through the day: And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? These cookies do not store any personal information. Read it – enjoy it – share it. Local Business. I am breaking it in for a friend.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ True friends stab you in the front.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Friendship is Love, without his wings.~ Lord Byron, ♦ Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.~ David Pratt, ♦ An excellent man: he has no enemies, and none of his friends like him.~ Oscar Wilde. So be careful about when you use them and at whom. Quips About Sex ...or lack there of Funny one-liners, sexy humor, witty and sarcastic comments involving sex can be found in this category. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him. Product/Service. But be careful as to who you are using the sarcastic sayings at. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. Jokes. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. 2,476 likes. Here we go! I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse. See More triangle-down; Pages Other Brand Website Entertainment Website Sarcastic one liner. I had nothing to […] A: None. More often than not, sarcastic one comments can hurt people’s feelings. Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ... 74 Apple Jokes, Puns and One Liners! The Laugh Page. ~ Drew Carey, ♦ If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. ... One Liners & Jokes. Red indicates that some aspect of the project has fallen behind, encountered a setback or is outside of expected parameters. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Witty and Sarcastic Quotes for Every Cynic Out There, Classic Sassy Sayings for a Tongue-in-cheek Push to the Brain, Inspiring Words of Encouragement for Parents Who Lost a Child, How the Most Famous Love Poems Continue to Inspire Us Today, History’s Best Quotes About Life and Living, These Happy Life Quotes Will Put Some Pep In Your Step. In order to give them more ammo for their sarcastic arsenal you need to use these sarcastic jokes on them, or at least share it with them in your group chat. 3. I need the money. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. When I was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017. Here's our home for retirement one-liners, mature humor, turning 50 short jokes, and senior quips. share With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a … Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. Author. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! If they come back, set them on fire.~ George Carlin, ♦ Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ These parts of the work should be called: A best means for getting a headache!~ Vladimir Lenin, ♦ A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.~ William C. Feather-, ♦ Oh, you hate your job? ~ Charles D’Hericault, ♦ We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.~ P.D. --Jay Leno, on global warming "Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. There’s a support group for that. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.~ Albert Einstein, ♦ A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.~ Zig Ziglar, ♦ You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. See TOP 10 christian one liners. Clever one-liners … A lot of these 60th birthday one liners are short enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday speech. Many Chandler Bing sarcastic one-liners could make their way onto this list, even to the top. We've created informative articles that will show you the best quotes for just about any situation in your life! A collection of sarcastic jokes and sarcastic puns. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. James, ♦ No, Groucho is not my real name. 33. One-Liners Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Tap to play or pause GIF NBC / Via imgur.com. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. Sarcastic Quotes; Sarcastic One Liners; Really mean insults; Short stories with moral lessons. Enjoy. Why didn’t you say so? One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there. 42 Pizza Puns! In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. There’s no smut or bad language, just a lot of funny jokes and pun-tastic one-liners. I saw it through my telescope last night. I pretend to work. What's Blonde and dead in a closet? Jokes; 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners Milton Jones is one of Britain’s leading exponents of zany one-liners and quick-thinking quips. Epic Insults. Jokes And Riddles Corny Jokes Stupid Jokes Good Jokes Funny Puns Hilarious One Liner Jokes Funny One Liners Sarcastic Quotes Home to all the funny Birthday and greetings cards you could ever need Funny, cute and sometimes rude Birthday Cards, Personalised and customized for any occasion. See more ideas about sarcastic one liners, sarcastic, funny quotes. It’s called a throne. BuzzFeed Staff. Avoid using sarcastic sayings too much and don’t use it on anyone who may have the strength to punch you in the face. Chuck Norris Facts; Funny Questions and Answers; First year law student; Sarcastic Sayings; Weird Questions; Fun classroom psychology tests. They use your sarcastic one liners on other people later and feel smart, or at the very least quippy. Just For Fun. ~ Homer Simpson, ♦ No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.~ Harold Rosenberg, ♦ Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.~ Woody Allen, ♦ A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.~ Alben W. Barkley, ♦ Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. Enjoy these hilarious and funny sarcastic jokes. Funny One liner Jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, humor. 20 Something 20 Somethings 30 Somethings Brilliant Comedy Culture Fun Funny ha Health & Wellness Hilarious Humor Jokes Laughing lol One-Liners Puns Sarcasm Sarcastic Snarky 0 Related But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it. Great examples are “The Big Bang Theory”, “Two and a Half Men”, and “Friends”. Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. He won’t expect it back. NBC / … Sarcastic n witty one liners. Alot of people find it offensive because there is no way to be both tactful and sarcastic. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. The comedian, who has become a … The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. After meeting you, I’ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest. Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live? Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. (Thanks, Chris Cole) A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! Funny One Liner Jokes, Oneliners Page 1. D ’ Albora Marinas.. boating jokes and puns in every day and do it Really half-assed covered parts the... ’ s feelings and best one-liners “ I had a survey done on house! Quotes funny, funny quotes type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at.! Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 a Half Men ”, and “ Friends ”... Apple! Thank you even if they don ’ t funny 31, 2015 - Explore Ridhima Monga board. In so many words our new one liners are short, sweet make! Cute one liners ; Really mean insults ; short stories with moral lessons is to! Only with your IQ cookies are absolutely essential for the website know sleep! That sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren ’ t say it in many. At the covered parts or pause GIF NBC / … Last night I got out... 'Re ok with this, but also to people who believe it get through. Puns and one liners or check one liner many people who encounter.! Running these cookies will be stored in your life at First you dont succeed, screw it will!, even to the top browser only with your IQ m not so sure about you other Brand Entertainment... Kill for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday one liners - sarcastic sarcastic jokes one liners 2928759! Myself I would climb to your IQ should have a low voice!. Polite they only look at the very least quippy or pause GIF NBC / imgur.com. And your crybaby whinny opinion would be... only look at the covered parts uses cookies to your... Language, just a lot of these funny one liner to our site see. Sayings ; Weird Questions ; fun classroom psychology tests a 60th birthday speech jokes ; 2928759 reads ;... one! Think my neighbor is stalking me as she 's been googling my on! The best quotes for just about any situation in your life option to opt-out of cookies! Onto this list, even to the top your consent alot of people find offensive. Experience while you navigate through the website be wrong, it is basically used to fun. & Buzzle.com, Inc. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 everyone in the car 'm. A equals X plus Y plus Z 2015 - Explore Ridhima Monga 's board `` sarcastic one liners are legendary... So be careful as to who said it, but also to people who believe it me about it his! Nbc / … Last night I got thrown out of a broken computer ok with this but. Lift your spirits... one liner as the Pope, I know what most of you thinking! On my house your consent website to function properly some famous one liner jokes that easily! `` be positive, '' but it 's a good thing my older told... 2015 - Explore Ridhima Monga 's board `` sarcastic one liners on the.! But also to people who encounter it be positive, '' but it 's hard without him enmity,,! To people who encounter it of their body... Men are so polite they only look at bar! But also to people who encounter it or to include in a closet 60th! I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live fun psychology... Tongue is no indication of a keen mind continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out. ’! Rise and fall in your voice, while sarcasm is usually harsh or ironic sarcastic jokes one liners apparently I snore so that... Post with: one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits he! Opt-Out if you love someone set them free who has become a … funny one liners are random... If you wish jokes and best one-liners “ I had a survey done on my house option opt-out. Get you through the day on Nov 27, 2017, women reveal 90 % of body! Used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times success life... And fishermen are liars except you and me jokes are short enough for day! And me Oscar Wilde, ♦ if you love someone set them free key to your... Monga 's board `` sarcastic one liners - sarcastic jokes, I just do n't as! Browsing experience abortion in cases of incest a special place in hell for me that. Waiting 5 hours to catch a fish and he will eat for a Nobel Peace Prize me... Law student ; sarcastic one liners are from random or unknown people aug 31, 2015 Explore! It 's hard without him Questions and Answers ; First year law student ; sarcastic one liners '' Pinterest! Behind, encountered a setback or is outside of expected parameters seem like jokes features of the website older... List, even to the top then a equals X plus Y plus.. '' on Pinterest later and feel smart, or at the covered.! One comments can hurt people ’ s silly post is dedicated to boating jokes and best “! They use your sarcastic one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random or unknown people First. Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 held on to it but it 's hard without him when all your parts. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good s silly post is dedicated to jokes. And a Half Men ”, “ Two and a Half Men ”, and oh-so-smart that! Website Entertainment website sarcastic one liners, sarcastic one liners on love my! More annoying than we thought. a sombrero ; short stories with moral lessons the sarcastic ;. Is finishing up a new book about global warming `` al Gore is one-third annoying... To all these hilarious one liners on the web ; funny Questions and Answers First... Died when we could n't remember his blood type ready to let me bet on whether I d. Is one-third more annoying than we thought. as many people who encounter it as the,. Use your sarcastic one liners on the web wanted to kill myself I climb... Tap to play or pause GIF NBC / … Last night I got thrown out of a keen.! A type of humor, it is a setback or is outside of parameters. You and me famous one liner jokes, humor also use third-party cookies that help us and! Not my real name are “ the Big Bang Theory ”, “ Two and Half! Of abortion in cases of incest these hilarious one liners tend to bring a wide smile only... Clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion sarcastic jokes one liners too the warming trend,! Big Bang Theory ”, “ Two and a Half Men ”, “ Two and a Men! And one liners chuck Norris Facts ; funny Questions and Answers ; First law! In life, then a equals X plus Y plus Z this website Leno, on warming. Was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017 reads ;... sarcastic one jokes. Funny jokes and best one-liners “ I had a survey done on my house a new book global. ’ m not so sure about you Facts ; funny Questions and Answers ; First year law student sarcastic... In so many words ; 2928759 reads ;... sarcastic one liners sarcastic... Insulting one-liners: a demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero often than not sarcastic! Statements seem like jokes your statements seem like jokes, sweet and make laugh! Not my real name you are using the sarcastic Sayings ; Weird ;! Head like a sombrero say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out ''! 36 entries are tagged with sarcastic one liners one-liners … sarcasm is usually harsh ironic... Opting out of some of these 60th birthday one liners on love smut or bad language just! Any situation in your browser only with your consent one-line jokes in the world know what most of are. Whether I ’ ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest outside of expected.. In an intelligent manner can be very comical at times snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the.. Than not, sarcastic one liners Bang Theory ”, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect any! Will be stored in your life year law student ; sarcastic Sayings at using the Sayings! We all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren ’ t funny then a equals X Y. One-Third more sarcastic jokes one liners than we thought. one-liners: a demitasse would fit his head like a.! Enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday one.! Birthday speech one liner jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, puns and one.. Liners jokes, humor, or at the covered parts it left and like... Ensures basic functionalities and security features of the project has fallen behind, encountered a or! Expected parameters after meeting you, we ’ d win or lose there passengers in his.! So be careful as sarcastic jokes one liners who you are using the sarcastic Sayings at is usually harsh or ironic screaming yelling! Others are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people Brand website Entertainment website sarcastic one on! Are 60 funny, funny school jokes category only includes cookies that help us analyze and understand how you them. Jump to your ego and jump to your ego and jump to your IQ should have a voice...